Theatre terms
Eternity -
The time that passes between a dropped cue and the next line
Prop -
A hand-carried object small enough to be lost by an actor 30
seconds before it is needed on stage
Director -
The individual who suffers from the delusion that he or she is responsible
for every moment of brilliance cited by the critic in the local review
Blocking -
The art of moving actors on the stage in such a manner as not to collide
with the walls, the furniture, the orchestra pit or each other. Similar to
playing chess, except that the pawns want to
argue with you.
Blocking Rehearsal -
A rehearsal taking place early in the production schedule where actors
frantically write down movements which will be nowhere in evidence by
opening night
Quality Theater -
Any show with which you were directly involved
Turkey -
Every show with which you were not directly involved
Dress Rehearsal -
Rehearsal that becomes a whole new ball game as actors attempt to maneuver
among the 49 objects that the set designer added at 7:30 that evening.
Tech Week -
The last week of rehearsal when everything that was supposed to be done
weeks before finally comes together at the last minute; reaches its grand
climax on dress rehearsal night when costumes rip, a dimmer pack catches
fire and the director has a nervous breakdown. Also known as "hell" week.
Set -
An obstacle course which, throughout the rehearsal period, defies the laws
of physics by growing smaller week by week while continuing to occupy the
same amount of space
Monologue -
That bright, shining moment when all eyes are focused on a single actor who
is desperately aware that if he forgets a line, no one can save him
Dark Night -
The night before opening when no rehearsal is scheduled so the actors and
crew can go home and get some well deserved rest, and instead spend the
night staring sleeplessly at the ceiling because they're sure they needed
one more rehearsal
Bit Part -
An opportunity for the actor with the smallest role to count everybody
else's lines and mention repeatedly that he or she has the smallest part in
the show.
Green Room -
Room shared by nervous actors waiting to go on stage and the
precocious children whose actor parents couldn't get a baby-sitter that
night, a situation
which can result in justifiable homicide
Dark Spot -
An area of the stage which the lighting designer has inexplicably forgotten
to light, and which has a magnetic attraction for the first-time actor. A
dark spot is never evident before opening night.
Hands -
Appendages at the end of the arms used for manipulating one's environment,
except on a stage, where they grow six times their normal size and either
dangle uselessly, fidget nervously, or try to hide in your pockets
Stage Manager -
Individual responsible for overseeing the crew, supervising the set changes,
baby-sitting the actors and putting the director in a hammerlock to keep him
from killing the actor who just decided to turn his walk-on part into a
major role by doing magic tricks while he serves the tea
Lighting Director -
Individual who, from the only vantage point offering a full view of the
stage, gives the stage manager a heart attack by announcing a play-by-play
of everything that's going wrong
Makeup Kit -
(1) Among experienced community theater actors, a battered tackle box loaded
with at least 10 shades of greasepaint in various stages of desiccation,
tubes of lipstick and blush, assorted pencils, bobby pins, braids of crepe
hair, liquid latex, old programs, jewelry, break-a-leg greeting cards from
past shows, brushes and a handful of half-melted cough drops
(2) For first-time male actors, a helpless look and anything they can borrow
The Forebrain -
The part of an actors brain which contains lines, blocking and
characterization; activated by hot lights
The Hindbrain -
The part of an actors brain that keeps up a running subtext in the
background, while the forebrain is trying to act. The hindbrain supplies a
constant stream of unwanted information. Such as who is sitting in the
second row tonight, a notation to seriously maim the crew member who thought
it would be funny to put real Tabasco sauce in the fake Bloody Marys, or the
fact that you need to do laundry on Sunday.
Stage Crew -
Group of individuals who spend their evenings coping with 50-minute
stretches of total boredom interspersed with 30-second bursts of mindless
panic
Message Play -
Any play which its director describes as "worthwhile," "a challenge to
actors and audience alike," or "designed to make the audiencethink." Critics
will be impressed both by the daring material and the roomy accommodations,
since they're likely to have the house all to themselves.
Bedroom Farce -
Any play which requires various states of undress on stage and whose set
sports a lot of doors. The lukewarm reviews, all of which feature the phrase
"typical community theater fare" in the opening paragraph, are followed
paradoxically by a frantic attempt to schedule more performances to
accommodate the overflow crowds.
Assistant Director -
Individual willing to undertake special projects that nobody else would take
on a bet, such as working one-on one with the brain-dead actor whom the rest
of the cast has threatened to take out a contract on.
Set Piece -
Any large piece of furniture which actors will resolutely use as a safety
shield between themselves and the audience, in an apparent attempt to both
anchor
themselves to the floor, thereby avoiding floating off into space, and to
keep the audience from seeing that they actually have legs
Strike -
The time immediately following the last performance while all cast and crew
members are required to stay and dismantle (or watch the two people who own
Makita screw drivers) dismantle the set.
Actors (As defined by a set designer) -
People who stand between the audience and the set designer's art, blocking
the view. That's also the origin of the word "blocking," by the way
Stage Right, Stage Left -
Two simple directions actors pretend not to understand in order to
drive directors crazy. ("No, no, your OTHER stage right!")
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Theatrical Logic
In is down, down is front
Out is up, up is back
Off is out, on is in
And of course-
Left is right and right is left
A drop shouldn't and a
Block and fall does neither
A prop doesn't and
A cove has no water
Tripping is OK
A running crew rarely gets anywhere
A purchase line buys you nothing
A trap will not catch anything
A gridiron has nothing to do with football
Strike is work (In fact a lot of work)
And a green room, thank god, usually isn't
Now that you're fully versed in Theatrical terms,
Break a leg.
But not really.
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Q and A
Q: What is the difference between the men's final at
Wimbledon and an amateur dramatic chorus?
A: The tennis final has more men.
Old actors never die, they just drop apart.
How do you drive an actress crazy? Hide her hairbrush
Q: How are sopranos defying the laws of
astrophysics?
A: The center of the universe shifts with
every step they take.
Why don't they give the Chorus coffee
breaks? It's such a pain to retrain them afterwards.
Q: Why did the actor stare at the
orange juice bottle for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why can't many vocalists get
through the door?
A: They either can't find the key or
don't know when to come in.
Q:What's the difference between a musician and a mutual fund?
A:The mutual fund eventually matures and earns money.
Just Remember:
"It's only Amateur Theater until it
offends someone ... then it's ART!"
Q: How do you drown an Actress?
A: Put a mirror at the
bottom of the pool.
Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
A: An Amateur Theatre electrician
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You Know You Work in
Community Theater if...
...your living room sofa
spends more time on stage than you do.
...you have your own
secret family recipe for stage blood.
...you've ever appeared
on stage wearing your own clothes.
...you can find a prop in
the prop room that hasn't seen the light of day in
ten years, but you don't know where your own vacuum cleaner is.
...you've ever appeared
in or worked on any show written by Van Zandt and Milmore.
...you have a Frequent
Shopper Card at The Salvation Army.
...you start buying your
work clothes at Goodwill so you can buy your costumes at the mall.
...you've ever cleaned a
tuxedo with a magic marker.
...you've ever appeared
on stage in an outfit held together with hot glue.
...you name your son
Samuel and tell him that his middle name is in honor of
the French side of the family.
...you've ever appeared
in a show where tech week is devoted to getting the
running time under four and a half hours.
...you've ever appeared
on stage in an English drawing room murder mystery
where half the cast spoke with southern accents.
...your children have
ever begged you not to buy them any more Happy Meals.
...you think Neil Simon
is a misunderstood genius.
...you've ever appeared
in a show where the cast outnumbered the audience.
...you've ever gotten a
part because you were the only one who showed up for auditions.
...the audience
recognizes you the minute you walk on stage because they saw
you taking out the trash before the show.
...you've ever menaced
anyone with a gun held together with electrical tape.
...you've ever had to
haul a sofa off stage between scenes wearing a dinner
gown and high heels, and you're a guy.
...you've ever played the
father of someone your father's age.
...your kids know your
lines better than you do.
...your kids DELIVER your
lines better than you do.
...you get home from
rehearsal and have to go back to the theater because you forgot your kids.
...you've ever appeared
in a show where an actor leaned out through a window without opening it
first.
...you've ever had to
play a drunk scene opposite someone who was REALLY drunk.
...you've ever heard a
director say, "Try not to bump into the furniture," and mean it.
...you've ever appeared
on stage with people you're related to.
...you've ever heard the
head of the set construction crew say, "Just paint it black - no one will
ever see it."
...you've ever appeared
in a show featuring a flushing toilet sound effect.
...the set designer has
ever told you not to walk on the left half of the
stage because the floor's still wet-five minutes before curtain.
...you've ever been told
that the reason your director has no eyebrows is
because he was in charge of special effects for the last show.
...you've ever said,
"Don't worry - we'll just hot glue it."
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Excerpt from the
Community Theater Green Room on Larry Starks Theatre Mirror
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